Petals of Blood
by desraewilson
Summary: After everyone believes Buffy has died, Angel is driven insane by his search for her. Angel loses himself as he finds Buffy, but only in his dreams. Will he ever truly find her? Is she alive or dead? Will he regain his sanity? Read & Review!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Angel or any of the characters mentioned in either cannon. I don't own the song either. It's by The Wildflowers. The song is titled One Headlight.

**Author's Note:** This prequel is based off the song mentioned above, and it leads into a fiction based off the song, The Man Who' Cant Be Moved by The Script. Special thanks to frosty600 for being my Beta for this fan-fiction. (: Please review this fiction. I love hearing your opinions and it makes me want to write a lot more.

**Prequel to Petals of Blood**

_So long ago, I don't remember when_

_That's when they say I lost my only friend_

_Well they said she died easy of a broken heart disease_

_As I listened through the cemetery trees._

Lying the crimson red roses upon the grave, Angel laid down his love, and then he placed the ivory white roses down among the red for her innocence, her purity. Together the roses represented them, represented their unity. He could still feel her, still felt as if she were alive and nowhere near the grave he stood by. The headstone read her name, acted as the place where she could rest in peace, but it felt void. It was not a place for his Buffy. It was not her time and yet, he had hidden during her funeral within the trees, listening to those who were convinced that it was. He remembered it well. It was one of the most profound memories of his and all of those that were there to witness it ...

_I seen the sun comin' up at the funeral at dawn_

_The long broken arm of human law_

_Now it always seemed such a waste, she always had a pretty face_

_So I wondered how she hung around this place_

There had been blood, the blood of a Slayer, not just any Slayer, but Buffy's. Oz, Spike, and even he had recognized Buffy's scent and her blood, before anyone had stumbled upon it, but Angel could not believe it. The shock of it all weighed in on everyone, each finally coming to terms with it, but Angel could not. He had stood by her grave until he could smell the sun begin to rise, but it was Spike who had pulled from greeting the sun. Everyone had thanked Spike for saving him, but Angel hadn't. Spike had damned him to walk the Earth without Buffy by his side until he could find her again. They called him insane, but in his heart he just knew Buffy wasn't dead.

_Hey, come on try a little_

_Nothing is forever_

_There's got to be something better than_

_In the middle_

_But me & Cinderella_

_We put it all together_

_We can drive it home_

_With one headlight_

Buffy's body had never been found, but her friends and family had wanted to honor her anyway. Not finding her body only convinced Angel that she had escaped death, escaped the life that was slowly killing her. Without looking back Angel took off into the night set on finding Buffy. He could not lose her again, not like that, not ever. She had come to him once, asking him to runaway with her, but he had chastised her for trying to run from her duties and explained that he, himself, sought redemption. Sensing the heartache rolling off her in waves, Angel knew he had made a mistake, but he could not undo what had already been done. It had been the last time he had ever gotten the chance to look into her eyes, to hear her voice, and they had been filled with nothing, but sadness and pain that only doubled after his response.

_She said it's cold_

_It feels like Independence Day_

_And I can't break away from this parade_

_But there's got to be an opening_

_Somewhere here in front of me_

_Through this maze of ugliness and greed_

_And I seen the sun up ahead at the county line bridge_

_Sayin' all there's good and nothingness is dead_

_We'll run until she's out of breath_

_She ran until there's nothin' left_

_She hit the end, it's just her window ledge_

The light in her eyes had faded and her spirit had been broken. The fight in her died and no one really noticed just how intense it really was. Distancing herself from her friends and family, Buffy had slain without heart and without focus. And before anyone could stop her or take notice, she had leapt into battle with the intention of falling instead of landing on her feet like everyone expected her to. And with that, she was taken from them all.

_Hey, come on try a little_

_Nothing is forever_

_There's got to be something better than_

_In the middle_

_But me & Cinderella_

_We put it all together_

_We can drive it home_

_With one headlight_

Months had ticked away like a time bomb ready to explode and destroy the dream of Buffy being alive that Angel held onto desperately. He searched the globe, always chasing after every petite blonde that come across his path and in the day while he slept, he found her. What scared him the most was waking up and always finding her gone, always out of his grasp. The more he searched for her, the more he lost a bit of himself. Turning to wine and cigarettes, Angel spent most of his days and nights in a drunken stupor calling out for Buffy. It seemed the closer he got to her within his dreams, the further away she really was from him. Death haunted him, always taunting him with the ghost of his lover, his life. It taunted him.

_Well this place is old_

_It feels just like a beat up truck_

_I turn the engine, but the engine doesn't turn_

_Well it smells of cheap wine, cigarettes_

_This place is always such a mess_

_Sometimes I think I'd like to watch it burn_

_I'm so alone and I feel just like somebody else_

_Man, I ain't changed, but I know I ain't the same_

_But somewhere here in between the city walls of dyin' dreams_

_I think of death, it must be killin' me_

Returning home to Los Angeles, he returned to her grave, feeling like death. Every bit of him that had ever felt alive, had ever felt human, died with her. It was where he'd come every night and stood until the sun rose, stealing the sanctuary from him. When he finally started to mourn the loss of his love, Angel began to bring roses, always the same two colors, red and white. He'd clear the wilted ones away, placing life upon her grave, the only bit of life he had left to give anyone. And every time he'd remember, he'd remember the way the light had died in her eyes and how he had killed that part of her and how he'd lay down his own life if that meant saving her, finding her again.

_Hey, hey hey come on try a little_

_Nothing is forever_

_There's got to be something better than_

_In the middle_

_But me & Cinderella_

_We put it all together_

_We can drive it home_

_With one headlight._

**Authors Note:** The chapters of the story will be longer. What do you think of it so far? Should I continue? ;) Who else feels bad for Angel?


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Angel or any of the characters mentioned in either cannon. I don't own the song either. It's The Man Who Can't Be Moved by The Script.

**Author's Note:** The story is based off the song listed above. I'm not sure if I'll be putting the lyrics in, but you can take a listen to get an idea. The story is based after both shows having come to an end. Think a few years into the future. Special thanks to frosty600 for being my Beta for this fan-fiction. (: Please review this fiction. I love hearing your opinions and it makes me want to write a lot more.

**Chapter One - When I Close My Eyes**

Gripping the glass, Angel brought it to his lips and emptied the contents of it into his mouth. Swallowing the whiskey, he turned the empty glass around in his hand. Grip tightening on the glass, he compared himself to it. Empty. It's exactly how he felt. And when the glass shattered in his hand, he stared down at the broken shards embedded in his skin. Broken. That's exactly what he was. The crimson blood slipped between his fingers, falling, just like Buffy's had. Eyes closing, he saw a flash of the room, could still smell the scent of Buffy's blood. Hand shooting out, Angel gripped the bottle of whiskey, ignoring the shattered glass and blood, and turned the bottle up… completely. Maybe if he drank enough, he could numb the pain, the pain in his heart instead of his hand.

Angel drank until the world did more than spin. Everything seemed hazy as it faded away. It was when everything faded that he felt her. Standing, he gripped the table, tearing the skin that had healed around the glass. "Buffy?" The hope in his voice as he slurred her name was damn near heartbreaking. Trying to get his eyes to focus, he lurched forward when he saw a flash of blonde hair, reaching for her. Tripping over the chair, both he and the chair ended up on the floor. Ignoring the blood seeping out of the cut above his eye, from where it had caught the corner of the chair, Angel reached out blindly. "Buffy?" Desperation entering his voice, he staggered toward the bed.

Unable to find her, having lost her again, Angel dropped to his knees beside the bed. It was hopeless and yet still inside of him there was hope that he'd find her again. Resting his head on the edge of the bed, he remained on the floor, unable to move, his strength finally gone as temporary defeat found him. Eyes closing, he inhaled the sweet scent of vanilla as her name fell from his lips one more time in a broken whisper. "Buffy…."

Feeling her heart break, her hand sifted through his disheveled dark locks. She could almost feel the hair that slipped through her fingers as his face found her lap. Instead of saying anything, Buffy remained completely still, afraid that it'd all fade away. Her own eyes closed, his grip tightening around her legs and he remained on his knees between them, as tears fell down her cheeks. The more he cried, the more tears fell from her own eyes. Teeth sinking into the flesh of her bottom lip, she felt heart break over and over again as she heard his distressed pleas of forgiveness. Taking the risk, Buffy reached down, her small hand finding his larger one. Eyes opening, she noticed the tattered skin, and she felt her heart weep for him. Fingers moving over the torn flesh, a sick feeling set inside of her. What had she done?

Denied the feel of his touch, the ability to comfort him, Buffy brought his hand to her lips and willed him to feel her lips against his skin. The only feeling she experienced was those inside of her and the one of having his eyes on her. The first thing she saw was the recognition and then the love, the despair, and the agony... all raw enough to be her undoing. Feeling the familiar pull, Buffy looked down at Angel, terrified of what he'd do in her absence. "I'm so sorry."

Those three words were all she needed to say to cause Angel to hold her firmly, like it'd actually hold her there. Watching the panic take over him, Buffy just closed her eyes, unable to look any longer. The more he clung to her, the more she felt herself slip away. "Buffy?" His howl of torment echoed throughout the Hyperion Hotel as Buffy disappeared right before his eyes.

In a drunken stupor, Angel rose to his feet. The mattress was ripped from the bed and launched across the room. Before it could land, the table smashed into the wall. Within seconds, Angel demolished the room, leaving nothing untouched. Beneath him, Cordelia closed her eyes and shivered as she took a seat on the couch. It never got any better. Things only got worse. Head turning toward the rest of the gang, Cordelia's eyes met Spike's from across the room as Angel's howl reached not only their ears, but all of those in the demon world.

Shaken by the emotion his grandsire had roused inside of him, Spike climbed to his feet. Pulling out a cigarette, he lit it with a match and then shook the match until the flame went out. Inhaling the smoke into his lungs, Spike did what no one else was brave enough to do. He climbed the stairs, mentally preparing himself what he was about to witness. Mumbling curses all the way up the stairs, he turned the handle of the door, everyone had avoided since Angel had slammed Cordelia into the wall trying to find Buffy.

What he had prepared himself for, fell short of what was before his eyes. The destruction, yes, the despair yes, but nothing to that extent. He could smell his grandsires blood, but the most dominant scent was the smell of fear. It was a scent unrecognizable on his grandsire. As Angelus and as Angel, he hadn't been around to witness fear in the blood. Frozen, Spike felt at a loss. It was all just so overwhelming. For a moment, he debated stepping back outside of the room and taking a moment, but what scared him was the thought of what more could happen in the moment he was gone. Instead, Spike moved forward, closing the door behind him. Even though the click of the door shutting seemed deafening to Spike, it remained unheard by Angel.

"Sire?" The word sounded foreign to his own ears. It had been so long since he had said it, but in that moment it fit. Only a demon could understand the loss of a mate, a real mate bonded by blood and by a connection so intense that nothing else encompassed it. Inching closer to Angel, Spike crouched down so that he could get to Angel's level. A hand was placed on Angel's shoulder, and before Angel looked up, Spike had a sinking feeling it'd be there.

There was still a hint of Angel there, but it was buried beneath the drive to find Buffy and the compilation of emotions so close to the surface. But what stood out the most for Spike was the insanity in Angel's gaze. Angel looked through him and yet he could see it. The poor bloke was barely holding on. Looking away from his vacant gaze, Spike noted the tears that he knew would be there. Tears of blood, having fallen like the petals of a crimson rose. With a shake of his head, Spike hoisted Angel to his feet, where he helped him to the mattress that now rested across the room.

"Maybe you'll find her there, mate. Sleep it off." Sending a look of remorse Angel's way, Spike left the room, closing the door behind him so that Angel could find some kind of peace in his sleep.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, he felt his own tears come. "Damn it, love." Resting against the wall of the hall, Spike brought the cigarette back to his lips. "If you're really here, be here."

Pushing himself off the wall, Spike hurried down the stairs, avoiding the eyes of everyone waiting, hopeful.

"I need a fucking drink." It was mumbled as Spike slipped out of the doors Hyperion Hotel, still reeling from the shock that clung to him.

**Author's Note:** What did you think? It was definitely heartbreaking to write. ):


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Angel or any of the characters mentioned in either cannon. I don't own the song either. It's The Man Who Can't Be Moved by The Script.

**Author's Note:** Kind of short, but I needed to write. Special thanks to frosty600 for being my Beta for this fan-fiction. (: Please review this fiction. I love hearing your opinions and it makes me want to write a lot more.

**Chapter Two**

Opening his eyes, the debris that he had left behind was the painful reminder that it wasn't just a dream. Staring down at his hands, Angel could still feel the feeling of her hand in his. She had been there. Buffy had really been there. Leaving the sanctuary of his room, Angel climbed down the stairs, no real destination in his mind. Feet carrying him all over the Hyperion Hotel, he looked through the gang of his friends with the same vacant eyes. He didn't see them even though they stood or sat right in front of him.

"Angel? Are you okay?" Cordy winced from the stupid question, but shook it off because she had a right to be concerned. Receiving no answer, she tried again, but she got the same reaction. He just stood there, growing more unnerving with each passing second. His friends remained shaken, a little weary of going near him.

Deciding to take the chance, Cordy took one step forward, but Gunn blocked her. "Do you even remember what he did to you last time?"

And yet, she tried again, her determination dying down when Spike's voice echoed throughout the room. "Don't touch him, pet."

With a brown paper bag full of liquor in his hand and a cigarette dangling from his lips, Spike put himself between Cordelia and Angel. "Want to know what makes a man more dangerous than when he's soulless?"

Peering into Angel's eyes, he studied his sire's features, before he waved his hand in front of Angel's face. Spike didn't bother turning around to look in the faces of friends he knew were already staring at him, listening intently.

"There's nothing more dangerous than a man with nothing else to lose."

From the look of it, Angel had not only just lost his reason for seeking out redemption, but he had lost his mind, his way, his mate, and therefore ... everything. There was really nothing else left to lose.

Stepping back from Angel, he finally faced Angel's friends and then inhaled the smoke into his lungs as he took a long drag from the cigarette. Before they could start questioning, he threw his hand up, almost jumping out of his skin when Angel moved from behind him and started wandering through the Hyperion Hotel. Blue eyes followed him, almost curiously, a little nervous as to what his sire would do.

"He's sleeping walking." He could already sense the question that Gunn was about to ask him. "It's the only place he can find her and well … the reality of it all isn't too damn grand is it, mate?"

"How do we get him back? How do we fix him?"

The desperation in Cordelia's voice annoyed Spike. They all wanted Angel back for selfish gain. As much as he hated the bloke, he loved him too. It was still his damn grandsire and he wasn't about to let them destroy him again by forcing him to live. Thinking back to restraining Angel so he wouldn't walk out into the sun, Spike wondered if he had made a mistake.

"You can't."

Jogging out of the room, he followed Angel into the sewers where he found it easier than he remembered to track down his scent. Realizing immediately where Angel was headed, Spike growled to himself. This was going to be a hell of a lot more difficult than he thought. Lying to Angel's friends had been the easy part, making Angel see the truth would be the difficult part.

Taking the familiar route to Buffy's old apartment, Spike flicked the butt of his cigarette in the street before letting himself into Buffy's apartment. It didn't surprise him to find his grandsire there. Setting the brown paper bag on the table, he took a seat beside Angel in the kitchen. It had been months, but he knew Angel had bought the building just so he could keep everything of Buffy's the same in case she ever returned. There really was no turning back for him. The more Spike studied Angel, the more he realized that.

"I can still feel her, William."

Spike only nodded as he opened the bottle of Jack Daniels.

"She's still alive."

Brow quirking, he looked sideways at Angel. "You were there, the slayer is … she's not coming back this time."

Slamming his hands down on the table, he ignored the pain shooting through his arm. Growling threateningly, he whispered. "I'm not insane boy, I know my mate. She was there."

Recalling the scene he had witnessed upon entering Angel's room, he shook his head no. "No mate, she wasn't. Her scent .. it just wasn't there, nor was she."

Handing Angel the bottle, he watched as most of the brown liquor faded before his eyes and he cursed himself for not buying two bottles.

"It doesn't matter. Buffy's alive."

Spike would have considered him insane like the others, but in that moment he believed Angel for a second, and that was enough to create doubt in his mind.

"Then where is she, sire? Cause I don't …" But then again he never could, not as good as Angel. Spike knew her scent, he knew what it felt like to feel her, but he didn't really feel her like Angel could. That connection had only become stronger when Angel had marked her as his mate and then reclaimed her again after Dracula had challenged that mark. His mate ….

Spike knew that if he believed his mate were still alive, nothing and no one would stop him from finding her. And if he felt her … well that was proof enough. A mate would know… The connection was always much stronger than those between a sire and a childe.

Blue eyes flickered upward, meeting Angel's dead on.

"I believe you."

There was surprise in Angel's eyes and the vacant look had faded enough for Spike to see hope forming in Angel's eyes again. Knowing Angel was conflicted on what to feel, Spike slid the bottle back to him, allowing Angel to finish it off.

"How bout you try to work on that connection of yours and talk to her this time mate? See where she is?"

Nodding mutely, Angel looked back down at his hand, his fingers sliding over the flesh that Buffy had caressed.

"I'll find her."

**Author's Note:** I'll be updating Wild Irish Rose soon. Finally back in a lighter mood. ;) More will be revealed for this story in the next chapter.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note:** They're not mine. Warning of Lindsay/Buffy 'romance' and **NC-21** content, but ultimately B/A. Let me know what you think of it please. Thank you **frosty600** for being my beta. Updating A Pugilist's Paramour next and then onto my new fiction Love's Imprisonment. I hope you enjoy it.

**Chapter Four**

_It was a place where she stood in waiting for the moment that numbness would snatch her into it's grasp and overtake her, possess her, become her. Standing beneath the black velvet sky, the diamonds still sparkled around her and the moon still shined above her, creating a silhouette of her body. Blonde hair cascaded down her back, shielding shoulders that held the weight of the world, while still creating a veil over orbs that were as dark as the reaper waiting in the shadows to guide her. Hands once soft and warm were the frail and ashen cover that hid the flush of cheeks that stood out amongst the face which blended with her hands. Tears that she was once certain could not fall ever again taunted the desire for numbness as they spilled like blood first shed in the ongoing battle between life and death. _

_The coolness of her breath was ironic in that moment, still reminding her of life, but taunting her of the chill of death's grip. There was no warmth provided to her as she stood barefoot, clad in just a white gown that was irrevocably becoming. What better look to taunt the scene than one of purity. Arms falling to her sides steps were taken as if she were walking the plank against her will but instead were taken to find freedom in the finality of a fall. The picture of an angel she took her place upon the ledge as her arms spread out like wings. Golden locks whipped around her and twisted into tendrils as the angel stood still on the ledge ready to tip toe over the edge of the fine line she had danced upon for so long and just fall. _

_Eyelashes were the last of her that still clung to memories of a life that others took refuge from. Wings from the reaper wrapped around her body, blanketing her with the darkness as snow would the ground beneath her. Knowing it was beyond her time to fly, to sore from the depth of the depression that she had found herself drowning in, she turned her back to the world as she had done so many times before, her own wings ripped from her as she took that last step over the edge._

* * *

><p>The hand on her shoulder was more a harsh yank back to reality than the saving grace it was intended to be. Taking deep breaths as if she had just come up for air, Buffy blinked to adjust her to the harsh florescent lighting in the office. Looking up and over at the figure standing over her, a weak and most certainly forced smile greeted him because words could not.<p>

"You okay, Sadie?"

There it was that feminine sound to a voice that offered little masculinity to comfort her. Wincing more at that sound than the cramp in her neck, she rubbed the left over sleep out of her eyes as she stared at him blankly. Realizing that he was indeed waiting on an answer, she brushed her blonde bangs out of her hazel eyes.

"Peachy. Really." For once she wasn't in the mood to pacify the man that had pursued her since she had accepted the job as a paralegal. "Just didn't sleep much last night."

Rising from her desk Buffy was thankful he took that moment to step back so that she could escape the office that always felt as if it was closing in on her. Rubbing the back of her neck she made a mental note to not fall asleep on the job again. She'd end up fired and then where would she be? The thoughts that followed made her wince and when her eyes met with Lindsay's she saw the immediate concern there in those blue depths.

"I'm fine." It was near impossible to hide the irritation she felt, but she forced it just like she did her smile before. "Excuse me, … I need to go to the restroom."

Head down as she scurried to the bathroom like a mouse trying to break free from a room full of felines, Buffy pushed the door open only to rest against the other side once inside the restroom. Deep breaths, they were taken just before she found her way to the sinks nearby. Hands resting on the sink, she looked up at her haggard reflection. The dreams were taking too much out of her.

Examining the bags beneath her eyes, she frowned as she had to pull the hair down that hadn't already managed to fall free of it's confinement to fix the ones that had. Quickly she twisted the locks back into a messy bun. To Buffy, it seemed to look worse than before.

"I give."

Defeated by a simple thing such as fixing her hair Buffy decided to take the rest of the day as a sick day. Ignoring the curious looks of coworkers and the worried one from Lindsay, Buffy gathered her things and made her way out of the building that brought her more misery than happiness.

* * *

><p>The afternoon was spent in the only place that offered her any kind of comfort, her bed. It was her sanctuary, but the way her friends made it sound, it was the cell that kept her imprisoned away from having any kind of life. Sleep eluded her, but like more often than not she was thankful that it had. The empty glass of Scotch was the only sign of evidence that she had drank besides the migraine threatening to disturb her. Reaching for the glass that still held the sweet scent, her eyes lingered on the answering machine which blinked with four voice mails. Narrowing it down to bill collectors, her friends, and Lindsay, she debated on whether she should listen or leave them as missed calls.<p>

Placing the glass back on the nightstand, she hid her face in the pillow and pulled the sheets over her head. The missed calls could turn into lost calls for all she cared. Eyes closed, she groaned moments later when the doorbell rang. "Nobody's hommmmmme."

Kicking at the covers when the door buzzed again she fought her way out of the bed as she dragged herself literally out of it kicking and wanting to scream. Work clothes still on, but wrinkled beyond all belief, she all but yanked the clip out of her hair as she opened her front door.

"Lindsay." Head resting on the side of the door, she looked at the man she had once called her husband as her fingers played with the door jam. "What. Are. You. Doing here?"

He chose then to step forward as his hands went to her face and he tilted her head up so he could look into her face. "You haven't been sleeping."

"And you're pointing out the obvious. Again, I say … what are you doing here?"

The annoyance on his face pleased her more than she'd ever admit, but he soon found payback when he pushed himself inside her apartment and closed the door behind him.

"Since we're still married -"

Buffy chose that moment to interrupt him, her hand going up in the stop fashion. "We're getting divorced."

Like always when the topic of their divorce was brought up he chose to ignore it and continued with what he originally planned on saying.

"Since we're still married I have every right to be here just as you should be at home with our daughter."

The mention of their daughter brought the guilt she was certain he intended her to feel.

"That's not fair." Her voice cracked as she continued on back to her bedroom. "I'm coming to get her tonight."

As she took a seat on the bed her eyes followed him as he walked to her nightstand and picked up the empty glass.

"You're drinking again." There was disappointment she didn't care to hear in his voice, but couldn't prevent either. There was always something in his voice or in his eyes that she didn't care to see or hear, but she could not do anything about.

Watching him set the glass down she rubbed her face as she felt her eyes tear. "Please don't take her away from me. She's all I have left."

"Sadie, it can't be that bad."

A look was set in his direction so cold that Lindsay found himself frozen in his spot.

"I'll work less, just come home, Sadie."

When Wolfram & Hart had asked him play the role of husband and father, Lindsay had jumped at the chance to take his revenge out of Angel. What better way was there to take out your enemy than to do so by going for the heart? It was the only way to truly kill that particular vampire. Worse than a stake to the heart, Lindsay wanted Angel to suffer. He just didn't plan on being a victim in his own game of revenge.

Lindsay had recognized Buffy immediately when he walked into the hospital room to find her unconscious. Even with the machines hooked up to her, he found her to be more beautiful than the picture had shown her to be. Just by looking at her, he could see why Angel had lost his soul and had walked away to protect her. After he was informed that she tried to kill herself, Lindsay learned that the baby was safe. It had sweetened the revenge for him. Everything that Angel had ever wanted, Lindsay was about to gain.

The moment her eyes opened, Lindsay had slipped into the role of doting and worried husband. With her memory wiped clean of her life as Buffy, artificial memories of her life as Sadie with him replaced the old. He held her hand and they worked through her physical therapy. The 'car accident' had left her alive and the baby would be fine. It's the only thing that Buffy needed to pull through and return to her life with Lindsay. Caught up in the life that had been created for him with his wife and child, Lindsay found himself falling in love with Buffy. When her dreams started, he became worried. When she started pulling away, Wolfram & Hart became worried. The harder he tried to hold onto her, the more she slept and slipped away from him.

Blinking back the memories away, Lindsay ran a hand through his hair. Her drinking had started around the time the dreams had started. Hearing her call out for Angel, Lindsay found himself envying Angel once more. Even with him out of her memory, he still had a hold on her. Lindsay had desperately tried to break that hold, but ruined their marriage in the process.

Angling her head to observe him, Buffy tried to figure out the inner-workings of her husband's mind. She had told him the day she left him that the man in her dreams was the man of her dreams because even though he wasn't real, she felt more of a connection with him than she ever did with Lindsay. It had bothered her to hurt her husband the way she had, but Buffy had needed to get away to figure out what she really wanted. Exhausting dreams or sleepless nights had driven her to the point of insanity and she had began to question everything. She just could not do it anymore and so she had fled.

"I can't." Tears filled her eyes as she thought of the dream she had in the office. If she dreamed of suicide, it meant she wasn't happy with her life so it wouldn't be safe to return to it.

Stepping toward her, Lindsay gripped her arms, not tight enough to hurt her, but tight enough to keep her close. "I need you."

He needed her because Wolfram & Hart needed him to, but he needed her because he wanted her so badly.

Shaking her head no, the tears began to stream down her cheeks. "I'm sorry, Linds."

Reaching up, she cupped his cheek. "You're not him."

Linday had to refrain from jerking away like he had been burned. It hurt. It hurt him more than he thought it would.

"He's not real." It was whispered as he swiped away her tears. "None of it is, Bu-baby."

Buffy opened her mouth to object him from continuing, but he silenced her with a tender kiss. She loved him, she always had, but she wasn't in love with him. Buffy doubted she ever was.

"Vampires aren't real. Slayers aren't real. There's no world full of demons. It's just us and Ava. We're real."

The pleading in his voice made her believe him despite how much her heart screamed for her not to. It made sense. Even though it didn't seem more real to her, it had to be. She could not allow herself to become insane enough to belief that the supernatural world actually existed outside of books and movies.

"Okay." The word sounded so defeated, but it was said.

"Okay? Okay, what?" Lindsay dared not to get too hopeful.

"Okay, I'll come home with you." Looking down at the floor, she felt her heart break as tears fell harder.

Lindsay's face lit up as he lifted Buffy off the ground and wrapped his arms around her. Buffy smiled weakly at him. He loved her. That had to be enough.

"And … I'll see that doctor you suggested to make the dreams stop."

Lindsay felt guilty for lying to her, but it was for the best. "Good. He'll help. He'll make it all go away."

Wolfram & Hart would be happy. Angel wouldn't have a hold on her again. Everything would return to normal and Ava, the child of the vampire and the slayer, would grow up to be on their side in the battle. Her memory would be wiped of the dreams and they'd prevent them from ever coming back.

Instead of responding with a lie that would satisfy him, Buffy just nodded her head. She didn't want the dreams to go away. She'd lose him, but if she kept them, she'd lose Ava. Cringing inwardly, Buffy knew she had to give him up for the sake of her daughter. Lindsay and Ava needed her. This was real.

Leaning in, she tried to erase the dark eyes that haunted her heart even while awake. Seeing her intention, Lindsay smiled as he closed the distance and kissed his wife. "I'll make it all better, Sadie."

Turning them toward the bed, Lindsay laid her down on the comforter. "I don't want to lose you."

His body covered her own as his lips found hers again in a kiss meant to make her forget. Slowly, Lindsay undressed her before undressing himself. With them both nude, he joined her back on the bed, set on consummating their marriage all over again.

Staring up into blue eyes, Buffy could not bring herself to reach out for him so she allowed him to climb above her again. Staring at the ceiling as he kissed her neck, concentrating on her pulse, Buffy felt her eyes well with unshed tears as he pushed her thighs apart and carefully entered her. Squeezing them shut, the tears began to slip passed her lashes again as she felt him moving inside of her. She had to make it work. She just had to. Wrapping her legs around them, Buffy pulled him deeper inside of her, but she never felt more empty in her life. She could hear his panting in her ear, feel the heat of his body and the sweat clinging to his skin, and it all just felt wrong. The moment he raked his blunt teeth down the scar on her neck, Buffy tensed as it hit.

Angel.

Angel's mark.

Even with her eyes closed she could see his dark chocolate eyes staring back at her, feel the coolness of his skin against the burning heat of her own, as he pulled her close and nipped at the mark with his blunt, human teeth. Squeezing her eyes shut tighter, Buffy tried to imagine him. Holding Lindsay to her, she squeezed around him as she lifted her hips to meet his own. Lindsay felt relief from his wife's participation as they moved just out of sync from one another. Still, she was trying. Kissing her skin sloppily, Lindsay reached between them to rub her clit vigorously as he pumped inside of her. They were back. She loved him again. She had to or she wouldn't be trying. Moving his mouth from her neck, Lindsay thrust his tongue into her mouth as he speed up his pace seeking his own climax. With Lindsay pinching her clit as he thrust inside of her, Buffy held onto the image of Angel above her as she tipped over the edge into her climax. Her teeth sunk into Linsay's lip as she kept herself from crying out Angel's name in release. Feeling Lindsay jerk forward, she knew he'd finished. The warmth of his seed spilling down her thighs made her thank god for birth control. She really could not stay for a second kid no matter how much she loved Ava.

When he rolled off of her, Buffy had to refrain from climbing out of the bed. Instead she tried to hold onto the image of Angel's face as Lindsay reached out to pull her closer. Body against her husband's, Buffy closed her own eyes as she tried to ignore the sound of his snoring so that she could join Angel in her dreams and find real release in his arms.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Angel or any of the characters mentioned in either cannon.

**Author's Note:** Thanks Lady Mac for the beta job. Sorry for the wait! The previous chapter was actually supposed to be titled, Chapter Three. This is the real Chapter Four.**  
><strong>

* * *

><p><span><strong>The Real Ch. 4<strong>

"_You were kissing her Angel!" The tears stained her cheeks as more welled up and spilled over. She could not get a hold of herself._

"_It wasn't like that Buffy. Nina and I .__.__. It was just … It ended." Angel stepped toward his girlfriend, reaching his hand out for her to take._

"_It didn't look like you ended it to me." Picking up a vase, Buffy threw it in Angel's direction. It nearly clipped him, but Angel had managed to side-step it._

"_Buffy, don't be irrational. You're an adult now. Act like one."_

_How many times had he made comments about being immature, bratty, or had made decisions for her? Too many._

_Laughing bitterly, she remembered their discussion about cookie dough. Buffy had returned to allow him to enjoy the new cookie her, but had found him dating Nina. Angel could not pass up the chance to be with Buffy again so he had called it quits with the young werewolf… or so he had told her._

"_Should I act like you then… and just go around sleeping with all of Los Angeles?" Her insecurities were coming out to play._

_Offended by her comment, Angel tried to focus on setting an example as the adult in the relationship instead of firing back at her._

"_Ninnna, I lov-" The horrified look on Buffy's face made Angel pause long enough for the name to register. He had been trying to explain the kiss with Nina, but had called her the wrong name instead._

_Jerking back like she had been struck, Buffy swallowed the lump in her throat._

"_I hate you."_

_Before Angel could react, Buffy fled out of his office and into the sun where he could not follow._

* * *

><p>Buffy woke from of the dream with a frown on her features and Lindsay's arm around her waist. The snoring meant her husband still slept and she could not bring herself to sleep any longer. Lindsay had moved the family to New York since removing Angel from her mind once again, but no matter how hard he tried … he couldn't remove Angel from Buffy's heart. When the dreams began for the third time, Buffy said nothing. She couldn't handle losing him again. With a bravado only a former slayer could muster up, Buffy played the happy wife and had allowed the move.<p>

A part of Buffy had been hopeful. Maybe losing Angel would allow her to have that happily ever after. It hadn't. Buffy had become numb aside and she wore a permanent, forced smile on her face daily so that her daughter Ava or husband would not worry. The dreams had returned only recently after Ava had started pre-k and left Buffy alone with her thoughts.

Crawling out of the bed, Buffy pulled on her robe. She could remember his face and his name but only after first waking up. She felt no real connection to the name that he called her. Buffy. What kind of name was that anyway? Then again, she did not fee l anything for the name Sadie either. The battle of remembering and forgetting on a daily basis wore her down daily, but still she held on.

Leaving her bedroom, Buffy closed the door behind her and walked down the hall to check on her daughter. Hearing a whimper, Buffy hurried toward her daughter's room. Ava favored her mother in having nightmares. She always talked of the bad men, the monsters with the funny faces. Pulling the robe tighter, she heard the breaking of glass. Panicking, Buffy snatched open the door.

"Mommy!"

And then her world went dark.

* * *

><p>Leaving the small diner and his friends behind, Angel felt the familiar urge to head to the liquor store. It had been five years since Buffy's death and every day was a struggle. There was a point where he nearly went completely under, going deeper into despair than he ever had. It wasn't the thought of her death that had bothered him so. It was the belief that she was still alive and wondering if she was somewhere suffering, enduring an ongoing torture.<p>

Shaking it off, Angel considered patrolling or heading back to the apartment that he shared with Spike and Cordelia. The two had been the most willing to move away from Los Angeles even if it meant a whole new city for Angel to try to find Buffy in. It was a change even though they had a feeling, he'd still be the same lost Angel.

The decision was made for him when he heard the fight breakout. Angel's legs carried him in the direction of the scene. A gust of wind, the ruffling of trash, and then a pink ribbon sifted through the air in his direction. Innocence. Snatching it out of the air, Angel knew he had to be quick. It belonged to a child.

Rounding the corner, Angel stopped dead in his tracks at the scene before him. There stood a little girl dressed in a ballerina tutu pajama set holding a stuffed animal in one hand and a makeshift cross in the other as she faced off a group of fledglings.

Blonde curls, chocolate eyes that mirrored his own, and the most adorable button nose greeted him as he stepped forward. Holding a finger over his lips to silence her, she nodded and Angel almost sighed in relief. At least one girl in the world took his advice to heart.

"I don't know who you are misters, but my mommy says you're not real so go back to the movies. My mommy says you give me scary dreams. No good. No good at all. Besides, I can't talk to strangers. You're bad things." Wagging her finger at them, she dropped the make-shift cross accidentally.

Her pout formed into an O as she mumbled out, "Uh oh."

Before the wood could hit the ground, the fledglings lunged, but so did Angel.

Wide eyed, Ava backed away from the monsters as the fight neared her. Noticing it, Angel hollered out in a panic, "RUN!"

And she did.

Running as fast as her little legs could carry her, she felt tears spring to her eyes. They had hurt her mommy. Looking in every direction, Ava felt herself begin to get scared. All of the buildings looked like hers. How was she ever going to get home?

Hearing footsteps, Ava spun around and hid behind the stuffed animal. "Don't get me."

Angel squatted down in front of Ava, his eye cut from the fight. It had been a bit more difficult to fight off the group than he had realized. Having defeated most of them, a few ran, and Angel's only desire was to find the girl instead of chasing after vampires.

"I'm not going to hurt you."

Peaking from behind the stuffed animal, she stared at him curiously. The yellow eyes and vamp visage did not scare her one bit. Reaching out she touched the wrinkles on his forehead.

"You're all wrinkly and you got a boo boo."

Startled by the sweet touch, Angel's visage melted away to reveal his human face.

That earned him a shy smile as she held out her stuffed animal.

"Do you need Mr. Pickles? He makes me feel better when my tummy hurts."

Angel stared down at the pink stuffed pig and could not find his voice.

"Are you a good vampire like Twilight? DO YOU SPARKLE? I like sparkles."

Cordelia had forced him to watch Twilight and the comment made Angel grimace like he was in pain.

"No. No, I don't sparkle, but I'm the good guy."

Ava giggled as she snuggled to the stuffed pig. "I can tell. My name is Ava. What's your name? I'm four you know." Ava held out four fingers proudly.

"Angel."

Going quiet, Ava inched closer to him and studied him quietly. She looked as if she were making an intense decision about him.

"Pretty name."

Angel exhaled. She reminded him of another blonde that had said the same thing.

"Thank you."

Ava jumped excitedly as she made a new discovery. "Guess what, Angel?"

Angel observed their surroundings, not entirely feeling safe with them out so late. "What's that?"

Noticing him looking away, she stomped tapped her foot impatiently until finally turning his face back so that his attention was fully on her.

Angel chuckled at the force and demand behind the small hand. All women were impatient it seemed.

"You're not a stranger no more. And I'm not a stranger and Mr. Pickles likes you." Nodding as if it were a matter of fact, she held out her hand for him to take as she lowered it from his cheek.

"I need ice cream to think. Two scoops." Holding up two fingers once her pig was tucked back under her arm, she squeezed Angel's hand. "That's how many. TWO."

Angel began to walk toward the diner with her. Maybe his friends could help. He had no idea what to do except to start with what the young blonde demanded… Two scoops of ice cream.

"Two scoops huh? You must have a lot to think about." He smiled as he looked down at her.

"Yep! I need to find my mommy. She misses me." Yawning, she sagged against him tiredly as they walked.

Realizing how long the journey was to the diner, Angel paused so that he could scoop her up. He didn't think her little legs could make the journey.

"Bout time, I thought I had to do alla the work." Her head dropped on his shoulders as she closed her eyes. "Two scoops."

Angel smiled as he realized something that surprised him. The toddler smelled just like Buffy had … vanilla and sunshine. And for the first time in five years, he felt genuinely happy.

Sliding into the booth that occupied his friends, Angel held tightly the sleeping Ava. Cordy looked up from her shake and felt faint. Angel had finally lost his damn mind.

"Have you lost your damn mind!"

Angel shushed Cordelia and rubbed Ava's back. From the sound of her heart beat, she was still sleeping soundly.

"Uh, Peaches." Spike felt a little weary to question Angel's motives, but he agreed with Cordelia even though it pained him to do so.

"You go out for a drink and come back with a ballerina. I really hope there's no connection there, mate."

Frowning at his friends, Angel's explanation was put on hold when Ava began rubbing her eyes sleepily. Head still on his shoulder, she peered at Spike. "Your voice is funny."

Chuckling, Angel reached for a menu as Ava snuggled more closely to him still clutching Mr. Pickles.

"And your hair …" Her nose crinkled like Buffy's and she tried to think of something nice to say.

"What's wrong with my hair and my voice?" Spike's hand went to his bleached hair.

"Mommy says not to say nothin' if you don't got nothin' nice to say."

Cordelia's laughter joined Angel's and soon all three of them were laughing. It had been a long time since the three could truly laugh together.

Shifting in Angel's lap, Ava perched herself up so she could stare at Spike. Her pig was placed on the table and her head rested on her arms that were also on the table.

"Angel…I want ice cream."

Realizing he had forgotten to ask her what flavor, he handed her the menu.

"Do they got Cookie-dough-fudge-mint-chip?"

No one but Angel remembered the significance of that ice-cream but Angel.

"You know what …" Angel placed a twenty down on the table, the memory of Buffy becoming too much for him to hold it together any longer.

"Let's go get you some." Angel knew for a fact that only a select few grocery stories carried it. And luckily for Ava, it stayed stocked in his fridge. He was a sucker for torturing himself.

"Uh, what's your name?" She pointed at Spike.

"Spike."

Wrapping her arms around Angel's neck, she giggled.

"Your name is funny, too."

"Hey!"

Angel slid from the booth and looked down at his friends. "I'll explain in the morning. I need you two to help us find her mommy."

Cordelia looked weary of it, but resigned. "Fine. But, I'm not coming first thing. I'm sleeping in. I need my beauty sleep."

Spike just nodded, his attention on Ava who made funny faces at him.

Waving bye to Cordy and Spike, Ava watched the two as she and Angel walked away.

"Angel? Where are we going? Do they really got ice cream? I want two scoops. TWO scoops."

Angel felt amused, but still worried stayed present in the pit of his stomach.

"I have you a whole pint to get two scoops out of okay?"

"A WHOLE PINT? Like, it's never been open? Ever, ever?" Wide eyed and clearly amazed, she reared back to look at Angel's expression.

"Yes mam. A whole pint"

"Wow." Shaking her head like the idea of it was crazy, she covered her mouth with her hand. "My mommy… you know, the sides, like around the middle of the thing, she eats those. I get the middle."

Headed for his apartment down the block, Angel remained quiet, but listened intently.

"Does your mommy let you eat ice cream this late?" After climbing the stairs, Angel pulled the keys out of his pocket before unlocking the door and walking inside.

"Noooooo." Ava looked defeated with her pout, but was far from it.

"But, it's better than breakfast time, right?"

Caving, Angel set her down on her feet and led her to his room. "Let's turn you on some television and you get eat your ice-cream, but then you got to sleep. Deal?"

Nodding, Ava climbed on the bed and worked at tucking Mr. Pickles in before she herself got settled in. "All done."

In the process of turning on the cartoon channel, Angel turned around to see her in the middle of his bed looking quite proud.

"I'll be right back with your two scoops."

Yawning sleepily, she smiled with a nod and then turned her attention to the animated show he had turned on for her.

Closing the door behind him, Angel journeyed to the kitchen as Ava relaxed in his bed.

In her mind, he had defeated all the bad men, but in his … he knew some had run off. Luckily for her, they didn't know where he stayed or who he was. Fledglings weren't the brightest.

Returning to the bedroom after retrieving her ice cream, Angel was surprised to find her fast asleep again.

Setting the bowl down on the nightstand, Angel took a seat on the end of the bed. For the two of them, it had been a long night, but Angel knew he wouldn't rest at all. Watching over Ava as she slept, Angel stayed by her side to make sure nothing else happened to her. In the morning they'd work on finding her mother.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Angel or any of the characters mentioned in either cannon.

**Author's Note:** Thanks Lady Mac for the beta job. If you haven't read this story in a while, please go back and at least skim it. Details, answers, and other little clues are written in each chapter. I'm giving away no surprises. You'll find out when as the character's do. (: Hope you enjoy it.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Chapter Five<span>**

The plan had been to watch over Ava all night. When Angel woke up, Ava was watching over him instead. Stretching his eyes open with her tiny fingers, she chirped. "Did you know that … you made my ice cream get all melty? The whole two scoops."

Releasing his eyelids, Ava remained perched on his lap. She left him no time to respond and barely any to wake up and register what was happening. "No sparkling means no sunshine right?"

"No, I can go into the sunlight." He just chose not to, most of the time. Losing Buffy made Angel believe that he didn't deserve it.

"That's so silly!" Shaking her head like it was the craziest thing she had ever heard in her four years of existence, Ava's face shifted to a more serious face. She had that thinking face again.

Oddly enough, she reminded him a lot of Buffy. The way her nose scrunched up in a way that it was obvious she was really thinking hard about something.

"I just don't have a reason to really go. I work at night." Angel shrugged and shifted under Ava's gaze. There was that look. It had to be the second craziest thing she heard.

"Angel. You're a silly butt. I have to play outside. Besides, all the funny faces come out at night." Trembling, she shoved away the memory of the bad men taking her away from her mommy.

"I work at night to get rid of all the funny faces." Angel smiled genuinely at the little girl. She was so full of life.

"Are you a ninja vampire? Is that your work?"

Staring at her serious expression, Angel shook his head no. "I'm a private investigator. I help the helpless."

And then it hit him, she was helpless, despite how strong of a personality she had. They still had to find her parents.

"Ava… what's your mommy's job?"

"She's my mommy." It was said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Nodding, Angel continued. "Well, what's your mommy's name?"

"Mommy."

It was going to be a lot harder than he expected.

"Where do you live?" Anything would help.

"With my mommy."

Angel ran a hand down his face. She was definitely a lot like Buffy.

"Okay my turn!" Ava slid off his lap and then walked back and forth like she had seen the policemen do on her mommy's favorite show.

Angel stretched out his legs and focused on the tiny blonde. He could already tell that she required a lot of attention.

"Work time at night means play time in the sun and I need a new dress."

"Ava, I don't -"

"MY turn! My mommy is a sun time person. The only way to find my mommy is now."

Walking over to the curtain, she threw it to the side and Angel almost leapt out of it. Ignoring the reflex to hide, Angel squinted. She was beautiful in the light, just as Buffy had been.

"I have-ta change and I gots nothin' here." Her hands slid to her hips as she stood before him in the same a tutu pajama-set.

"Well I could get Cordy to take you out shopping." Angel reached for his wallet in his pocket, but was stopped with tiny hands covering his own.

"You. I want you to take me."

With the Circle of the Black Thorn defeated, life had continued on. Buffy had rejoined his life in the midst of still seeking out his redemption over a year later. Nearly four years after the Circle of the Black Thorn had been defeated, Angel had been so caught up that he pushed Buffy away and in what many believed to be an early grave. The Powers that Be had granted him his redemption on the anniversary of Buffy's death, but it was too late. Angel did not believe he deserved it, not after sacrificing the one hero the world truly needed. Refusing the gift of humanity, both Angel and Spike were turned into day-walkers in the year of 2009. Four years later, Angel was squaring off with a toddler demanding that he join the real world.

He had been through many battles, Buffy's death, and the begging of his friends. And in the five years since Buffy's death, Angel found himself considering to join the real world long enough to help the small blonde that reminded him so much of her.

"…You're not going to let me win this are you…"

Ava's entire face lit up and Angel could see the excitement in her chocolate eyes.

"NOPE."

The innocent smile that she gave him made him laugh out loud.

"Alright, Ava. Let's go."

Nose crinkling up in that familiar fashion, she gave him the once over. "You have gotsta change, mister."

Angel's mouth fell open and he started to protest, but she cut him off again.

"And you stink." Grabbing her nose, she walked out of the room and headed for the living room to wait patiently.

Angel stepped out of his room to see where she planned on going and found her crawling on the couch beside Spike. He was already watching his day-time soaps.

"Mornin' peaches."

He didn't look away from the television until Ava began to ask him what felt like five thousand questions about each character and what they were doing.

Taking advantage of the stand-in babysitter, Angel closed the door behind him and decided he'd follow her orders. A shower and a change of clothes were required and he wanted nothing more than to keep her happy.

* * *

><p>Spike looked down at the blonde and found himself thinking of finally settling down and having at least one of his own. The image of the leggy, half-demon seer entered his mind. Cordy had reentered their lives after the battle explaining she had gotten bored with the fashion above. The gang had accepted her back, but it wasn't until Buffy's death and Angel's fall that Spike had finally noticed what the others already had.<p>

Despite Cordy's knack for fashion and bold comments, some consider high maintenance and rude, he noted a change in her. She truly cared for Angel and it was Cordy that helped keep him sane during Angel's break to insanity. The remainder of the group had moved back to Angel Investigations where some pulled together and others split up after Buffy's untimely death. Two leaders gone, Spike and Cordy did their best to keep up the Los Angeles battle while the rest spread to different parts of the world again.

Pulling himself out of his thoughts of a baby with Cordy, Spike blinked his eyes to focus them. "How you'd end up with Angel, pet?"

Ava's brow lifted and she grinned. "You're a nosey-body."

"I am not!"

"You arrrrrrrrrre."

"Am not."

Ava shrugged and covered her mouth to keep from giggling. Grown-ups, they were silly.

Caving in, Spike sighed loudly, and beat himself up mentally. Women. "Alright, I'm nosey. Are you going to tell me or not?"

Dropping her heads, she placed them in her lap. Crossing her legs, she mumbled. "Criss-cross apple-sauce, hands in the pot."

A serious expression suddenly crossed her features and the look alone worried Spike. Did the poof finally loose it and kidnap a kid?

"The monsters hurt my mommy, but Angel got them and the funny faces."

An eerie feeling crept inside of Spike and he felt his heart go out for the young girl. She was so young. He could tell that already some of her innocence had been lost through the experience.

"What were you doing out so late?"

Ava's eyes began to tear up as she recalled exactly what had happened.

"I was sleeping and they tried to get me and my mommy …" Her lower lip began to tremble and a tear slipped down her cheek. Wiping it with the back of her hand she continued.

Spike couldn't help but to notice strength in the child most adults didn't possess.

"They hit her real real hard and took me to the funny faces."

Looking down into her lap, her tiny shoulders slumped in defeat. "Mr. Angel gonna help me."

Spike wanted to ask if her mother had died, but he couldn't bring himself to ask her that question. Did Angel know?

Exhaling, she shook it all off and forced out a hopeful smile. "I'm getting a pretty dress to see my mommy."

Reaching into his pocket, he took out his wallet and took out some cash. Extending it out to her, he shook it a little to bring her attention to the bills.

"Buy some shoes to go with that dress."

Spike wanted to give her a reason to hold onto the hope. His heart ached for her and he wanted more than anything for Angel to really find her mother, alive.

"My mommy said not…"

"Shhhh, it's okay. You can't wear a pretty dress with slippers can you?"

Straightening out her legs, she wiggled her toes inside of her fuzzy slippers and looked up into Spike's blue eyes.

"Guess not."

"There you go… good girl."

Closing her fist over the folded bills, she jumped up on the couch cushions when Angel emerged from his bedroom freshly showered and dressed.

"Angel! I get shoes!" Ava waved the money excitedly as she jumped up and down on the couch cushions causing both Angel and Spike to share matching grins.

"Call Cordy, tell her to meet us at the mall." Angel grimaced as he and Ava left the apartment in search of a dress with matching shoes.

* * *

><p>Somehow Angel knew he would end up in the mall when she first mentioned the dress, he just didn't know why. The small fingers laced in his own reminded him of exactly why.<p>

"This store! This one. This one." Ava jumped up and down excitedly, still holding tightly to Angel's hand. Women that passed by smiled appreciatively at Angel assuming that Angel was the doting father.

Dragging Angel into the store, Angel could tell Ava knew the store well. She had been in it several times with her mother.

A young lady walked up, beating out her coworkers in assisting the handsome man who entered the store with his daughter.

"Hi, my name is Holly. What can I help you with today?"

Completing ignoring Ava, Holly smiled at Angel seductively.

Relieved to have help and oblivious to the flirting, Angel looked down at Ava. "She needs a dress and some shoes."

Ava glared up at Holly and moved closer to Angel, immediately hugging to his leg.

Holly squatted down to Ava's height, for the first time really noticing Ava. "Oh, she looks just like you!"

Recognizing Ava, the assistant manager walked over which she didn't spot Sadie. Assuming Angel was the father, she gave a little wave to Ava.

"You must be the missing puzzle piece."

Holly stood and looked at her manager, but before she could speak, the assistant manager Rebecca cut her off.

"He's married and this little girl and her mother are two of our best customers."

Ava finally figured it out and had to giggle. They thought he was her daddy.

Holly flushed in embarrassment, but did not have long to dwell on it.

"Hey, guys." Cordy tossed some hair out of her face and then flashed a smile.

"Oh, you're the wife."

Cordy looked over at Holly flabbergasted. "Excuse me?"

Ava looked up at Angel and noticed he looked like the world was about to open up and swallow him whole or he wanted it to.

"That's not is not Mrs. McDonald." Rebecca looked disapprovingly at both Angel and Cordelia. Eyeing Cordelia, she decided to remain professional without getting too personal.

"I'm Rebecca, the assistant manager, and you're …"

"Cordelia Chase."

Tugging at Angel's hand, Ava grabbed his cheeks when he reached her level. "They're driving me crazy, Mr. Angel."

Angel chuckled. They needed the dress, but he needed the information.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. Just give me a minute to figure out…"

Ava waved her hands, "No. My mommy has yellow hair and her eyes has lots and lots of colors."

Turning toward Cordy, she pointed. "You're not my mommy. And Angel is my friend…"

One more turn to the staff and Ava slid her hands to her hips in Buffy fashion. "I need a dress and shoes."

It was Rebecca's turn to flush in embarrassment. "Oh, I thought this was your father. You look so much … Where is Mr. and Mrs. McDonald?"

The name turned Angel's stomach. Lindsay had left Wolfram & Heart years prior and no one had seen him since. It couldn't be. Angel shook off the absurdity of his thoughts. It just couldn't be.

"My friend and I are babysitting Ava and Mrs. McDonald was supposed to meet us here. We were running late and I forgot my phone..." Angel patted his pockets and tried to use charms.

"You know once you store a number into the memory of your phone, it doesn't store in your memory as well." A half smile was given as he looked between the two women. He hoped he wasn't THAT out of practice.

"Oh, Mr…"

"O'Roarke..." Angel took her hand into his and shook it gently, noting her blush. Her eyes never once left his as the blush deepened.

"I can give Sadie a call…" The professionalism had left the moment she fell victim to his thrall.

"You can call me, Angel."

Rebecca sighed softly, completely forgetting her surroundings. "Angel."

"You'd do that for me? I'd hate to have to ask …"

"Oh, no, you didn't. I suggested it. It's fine. I'll just go… call."

"Thank you."

Ava gasped when Rebecca and Holly walked away. "WE HAVE TO HURRY."

Cordy laughed out right at that. "Then I say we get started with the dress."

Releasing Angel's hand, Ava took Cordy's and the two hurried to the dress section while Angel took a seat by the dressing rooms.

* * *

><p>Watching Cordy and Ava interact, Angel could tell that Cordelia longed for children. Hell, so did he, but that had died with Buffy.<p>

"…Angel, Sadie is on her way."

Angel looked back at the sound of Rebecca's voice and then gave a little nod. He was happy to hear that Ava's mother was alive and healthy enough to come, but sad that he was about to lose Ava.

Cordy looked helped Ava put on the seventh dress since entering the store. It had absolutely the right one. It was sweet, but still had the modern spice to it.

"Oh my wow, I LOVE IT." Ava spun in the mirror and then squealed before bursting out of the dressing room toward Angel.

"ANGEL, look!"

Jumping alert, he sat up and could not help but to watch on as she pranced around and twirled in the dress. She reminded him a lot like Buffy. She too didn't understand how beautiful she was.

"It's very lovely." Angel smiled, causing Ava to curtsy.

Cordy joined them holding the other dresses. "Let's get them all."

At Angel's look, Cordy whined. "What? Like you and Spike get to be the only ones to spoil her…"

"Spike ….OH SHOES!" Suddenly remembering the money Spike had given her, she took off toward the shoes leaving Cordelia chasing after her.

"Slow down, Ava!"

The two of them practically screeched to a halt when they both spotted them… They were glittery ballerina flats that were covered in sequins and matched the dress perfectly.

The two looked mesmerized. Could anything be more beautiful?

* * *

><p>Rushing into the store, Sadie did exactly what her husband said not to do, she acted before thinking.<p>

Doing so previously had gotten her knocked out cold while her daughter was kidnapped. Lindsay had told her to rest and that he would handle it. It led to a fight which led to Buffy leaving in search of her daughter and Lindsay heading for his sources.

It was her daughter and if someone spotted her, she had to go. Nearly getting into several traffic accidents on the way, Sadie had made it and it made her nervous to think maybe she was too late.

"Ava?" Sadie searched the store frantically, tears filling her hazel eyes.

"Ava, sweetie. Mommy's here. Where are you?"

Angel had gotten up from his seat to pull out his credit card after seeing the reaction to the shoes, but stopped cold when he heard HER voice. Buffy.

His back was facing her and for the first time in a long time, Angel was completely terrified. What if he turned around and she disappeared just as she had during all of his hallucinations?

Sadie neared the dressing rooms and felt her stomach get sick. She didn't see Ava anywhere.

"Excuse me sir." Sadie reached out and tapped Angel on the arm.

When he turned to face her, she felt a rush of comfort wash over her as she got lost in his soulful brown eyes.

Her touch had felt like it had restarted his heart as it literally skipped a beat. Angel almost reached out to touch her face as he stared down into the hazel eyes he thought he'd never lose himself in again.

Sadie blinked and took a step back. The intensity was too much, too familiar, and deeply personal.

"Have you seen a little girl, brown hair ... brown eyes..." Just like his.

"Buffy?"

* * *

><p><strong>Second Author's Note:<strong> Yes, I'm evil. 3 Buffy's back or is she?


End file.
